I Am Issa

Do you see a pattern among your successful and unsuccessful relationships? Have you figured what went wrong and how some went right?

We live in a world of opposing forces. (I’m not a Taoist, but I believe in opposites.) Just as there is an antonym for every word, there are values that exist and oppose each other causing tension/s in relationships. Fear not, though, as conflicts are really part of any union. Here they are:

1. Privacy vs. Transparency

How much should you share? What is honesty to you? There are times I long to be distant, yet there are moments I want to be intimate with my partner. There are things I could disclose to a friend, but there are certainly matters I wish to keep to myself. Do you have any trouble balancing privacy and transparency in your relationships? It’d be cool to say, ”draw the line.” Best discuss with your friend the desirable level of disclosure you need from each other. Negotiate wisely.

2. Novelty vs. Predictability

If your friend can calm and excite you at the same time, you’re probably the luckiest. Growing relationships require and/or develop some routines in time. However, too much of these could be a drag. We all want a dynamic partnership -little to grand surprises revive zest to it. Think of the person you’re mostly fond of, I bet he/she surprises you quite a lot. I’m convinced that we know how to think outside the box when it comes to the person we care for, we could either have been just lazy, or we’ve taken them for granted so we didn’t try hard to break the monotony and  make them occasionally happy. Don’t worry, all of us must be guilty. Good news is, we’re now aware of it. Time to put those idling neurons to work!

3. Autonomy vs. Connectedness

Does she/he fixes things for you? (Or vice-versa?) Do you get in the way of your partner’s growth? Who decides often? Who usually silently have to lose his/her stand? Maturity is an ability to use one’s understanding without guidance from another. It’s no wonder mature persons engaging in a relationship desire to decide on their own. Consequently, it’s a struggle when a single choice has to be picked by partners. Take heart. Creatures do not always want to dominate, sometimes, they are just waiting to be tamed. Again, discuss and keep your cool.

Lastly, strive to communicate your real thoughts and feelings to your friend- you should fear him/her least of all. Be bold.

 

Tags: communication, friends, opposites, partnership, relationship