Cheerleader: You know what Bill, I’m sorry.
Bill: Don’t worry. (pause) You only have 3 minutes and 26 seconds (pause) left in heaven.
-Another Scene-
Bill: What’s it like being pretty?
Cheerleader: I don’t know. Like… this is the only way I’ve ever looked.
Bill: I think people treat you nicer when you’re pretty.
Cheerleader: What makes you say that?
Bill: ’Cause you’re never nice to me.
Girl: That is not true, Bill. Every time I look at you you look like you’re having a pretty good time. You’re always laughing or something… so what are you laughing about?
Bill: (pauses) I watch movies in my head.

Bill became my favorite character at Freaks and Geeks after this encounter, not because he’s a geek , but because he can be happy all by himself. Among the cast, he’s got the most adorable ideas and unconventional wisdom, as revealed by these lines:

  • If I were Bionic Woman, what would I wear? (In search of Halloween costumes)
  • Don’t say anything. Be dominant. It’s all, all about dominance. I saw this monkey show on PBS, if you talk to her first, it’s a sign of weakness and she will not pick you to be her mate.
  • Sam Weir: You look a little bit like my grandpa. Bill Haverchuck: Oh, is your grandpa super cool?
  • I don’t like jokes. I don’t think they are funny.
  • Remember that time in civics when I had to fart, and it came out, well, a poop? And I had to flush my undies down the toilet? Do you think I wanted to tell you that?
  • It wasn’t a squeak—it was the sound of cheese being cut.” —Bill describing an alleged fart by Cindy Sander (the pretty cheerleader love interest of Sam)