Do you see a pattern among your successful and unsuccessful relationships? Have you figured what went wrong and how some went right?
We live in a world of opposing forces. (I’m not a Taoist, but I believe in opposites.) Just as there is an antonym for every word, there are values that exist and oppose each other causing tensions in relationships. Fear not. Conflicts are really part of any union. Here are the opposing forces that we need to manage in every partnership:
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Privacy vs. Transparency
How much should you share? What is honesty to you? There are times I long to be distant, yet there are moments I want to be intimate with my partner. There are things I could disclose to a friend, but there are certainly matters I wish to keep to myself. Do you have any trouble balancing privacy and transparency in your relationship? “I just need to draw the line,” is easier said than done. Best discuss with your beloved the desirable level of disclosure you need from each other. Negotiate wisely.
Novelty vs. Predictability
Image Source: gettyimages, Dan Pangbourne
If your friend can calm and excite you at the same time, you’re probably the luckiest. Growing relationships naturally develop some routines over time. However, too much of these could make a partnership dull. We all want a dynamic relationship. Let little to grand surprises rekindle your fondness and amusement of each other. Think of the person you’re mostly fond of, I bet he or she surprises you quite a lot. I’m convinced that we know how to think outside the box when it comes to the person we care for. Perhaps we’re just lazy, or we’ve been taking them for granted so we don’t try hard to break the monotony and make them occasionally elated with unexpected acts or gifts. Don’t worry, all of us must be guilty. Good news is, we’re now aware of it. Time to put those idling neurons to work!
Autonomy vs. Connectedness
Does she or he fix almost everything for you? (Or vice-versa?) Do you get in the way of your partner’s growth? Who decides often? Who usually silently has to lose his or her stand? Maturity is an ability to use one’s understanding without guidance from another. It’s no wonder mature people engaging in a relationship desire to decide on their own. Consequently, there is a struggle when a single choice has to be picked by partners. Take heart. Creatures do not always want to dominate, sometimes, they are just waiting to be tamed. Express your views along with their reasons. Debate, but always keep your cool.
It all boils down to one really simple idea: strive to communicate your real thoughts and feelings to your partner because you should fear him or her least of all. Be bold.
What are your thoughts? Feel free to use the comment box.